Must've Been Love
by MyNameIsDoodle
Summary: Ginji and Ban finally get together, but Ban has doubts. These doubts are made worse when Ginji is badly hurt and Ban doesn't think he can handle it. He leaves Ginji. Ginji is an emotional mess. Will Ban ever come to his senses and return? Yaoi. GinBan


Ban Mido had finally managed to stray from his own-assembled cage, cautiously leaving the solid, framed world behind him to find an entirely new one lying ahead. He had never been too fond of relationships, only flings. Flings that required nothing from him. He wasn't obligated to buy presents, to make promises he couldn't possibly keep, even to call the following morning after his parched desire was somewhat satisfied. But there was only one person who he'd do all of those things for, including lying down the one thing Ban held dearest to himself. His life. His life meant everything to him, as it did for everyone, but there was always one person people were willing to risk that for. For Ban, this person was Ginji Amano.

Ban never had homosexual urges before. The mere idea of feeling body parts that he himself owned never seemed appealing. It seemed to close to home, too close to himself. Women's bodies were alien to him, distant to his own. Still, even after arousing dreams of his partner and even after asking Ginji himself to be his lover, Ban refused to admit that he himself was gay. He cringed at the thought of ever being with another man. He tried to picture himself with men he knew, men like Paul or Kazuki or even Shido. This made him shudder. For some unknown, illogical reason, Ginji was the only exception. It made Ban's insides squirm with anticipation and lust whenever he imagined himself and Ginji together.

So when people like Shido gave remarks such as: "Didn't know you played for that team, snake for brains." Ban would simply reply: "Only for Ginji, that's the only team I play for". This of course, made Ginji grin from ear to ear like a loveable goof.

"Aw, Ban," Ginji gushed, his cheeks alarmingly red as Shido retreated with his tail between his legs. "You really mean that?"

Ban flashed an easy half smile as he stuffed a cigarette in his mouth, getting his lighter from his trouser pocket, turning his head to light it.

"When have you ever known me not to tell the truth, Gin?" he asked, inhaling his toxics like fresh, clean oxygen. "To you, I mean." He added swiftly as Ginji opened his mouth to point out that Ban had lied plenty of times.

Ginji's mouth closed quickly and he grinned once more. He didn't speak a word after that, gazing happily into space with a satisfied look shimmering in his eyes. Ban glimpsed only briefly upon his lover's face before tearing his gaze away. He struggled still, with this entire relationship thing. It seemed strange that only last week, the pair of them were just friends. It was like a promotion, new responsibilities being thrown into his lap and he was supposed to handle it all professionally within a short amount of time. Ginji seemed fully capable of doing so, but Ban was beginning to feel the weight of this leap. Ban had never been in a committed relationship before; open ones sure, flings sure but never one with actual feelings and trust and feelings of the dreaded "L" word. He began to fear that this was a grave mistake…

Later that night, they were at their apartment that Kazuki and Juubei had decided to spoil Ginji with for his birthday after hearing weeks and weeks of him complaining about his sore back and how his work was suffering due to it. Kazuki had agreed to paying their rent for the first few months until Ginji had scraped enough money to pay for himself. There was only one room, which (at first) seemed a stab at Ban by making him share a room with Ginji but now, it seemed as if Kazuki had somehow known how the pair would wind up together and it became ideal.

Usually, the two of them would throw their stuff on the floor and lounge on the sofa watching poor TV and snacking on unhealthy foods up until the early hours of the movies when they would retreat to the bedroom, fondle one another for a good half hour and then reluctantly go to sleep. But tonight seemed different. Ginji seemed impatient to get into the apartment, the pink in his cheeks still lingering, shuffling uneasily as Ban rummaged through his trouser pockets for the keys.

Even when they were inside, Ginji didn't bother shrugging off his jacket like he usually did. He just walked right through to stand at the window, staring down at the city life buzzing below. Ban stood perplexed at the door, emptying his pockets onto a desk by the front door, his blue eyes transfixed on his partner. After laying the contents to rest, he strode over, standing behind Ginji with his hands crossed at his chest.

"Gin, what's up?" he asked cautiously, at the same time scanning furiously through his mind for anything he might have said to upset him. "Gin?" he tried again after Ginji merely tensed up.

Ginji didn't answer but his actions spoke louder. He spun around; his eyes burning with something Ban had never seen enter those brown orbs. It was like a sun rising over the black hills of Ginji's pupils, making the brown iris lighter and more alive than Ban had ever seen them (other than the times when Ginji was extremely excited). Ginji stole Ban's lips clumsily, crashing them together like two cars that were destined to collide, the impact strong and nearly knocking Ban completely over if it wasn't for Ginji's strong arm supporting him. Ban's eyes widened, his arms uncomfortable crossed around his chest so he let them fall limp at his side. Ginji grasped Ban's hand with his one free one that wasn't supporting his lover, fingers slipping into the spaces in between, squeezing lovingly.

They had never kissed so passionately before. In the week they had been dating, they had merely pecked one another and, when they did kiss, it was Ban who took control, who was dominant. Ginji was like a shy teenage girl, giggling and blushing whenever Ban's hands grazed his fully clothed body. Ginji had never taken control over a kiss before and it was clear. His lips were clumsy; he seemed to be second guessing himself. If this had been a girl, Ban probably would've pushed her away and would've made a sharp taunting remark. But this was different. It was Ginji and instead of feeling bothered by his inept attempt at passionate kissing, Ban felt obligated to assist. It made his heart hiccup lovingly, feeling his eyes slowly close as he thought about how cute Ginji was, how attractive his inexperience was. It made him want him more, made Ban want to teach Ginji step by step how to do it correctly.

Ginji's position of dominance was short-lived, and he was soon receiving. Ban roughly pressed Ginji against the window, raising Ginji's arms above him, holding his wrists gently but firmly as he began to teach. He licked Ginji's lips slowly, and the moment Ginji began to part them, Ban took this as an invite and began to allow his tongue to roam the realm that was Ginji's mouth. Ginji moaned almost immediately, his back arching causing his hips to crush against Ban's. Ban felt like a million light bulbs were sitting within his body, and Ginji was making them all catch alight, the electricity buzzing inside of him like a thousand furious bees.

Ban relieved Ginji's arching back of his jacket and then started to lift his shirt. Ginji's eyes slowly opened, brimming with an inner pleasure that he refused to make vocal. Ban wanted to hear it, wanted Ginji to cry for him, to plead with him, to moan for him. His trousers were tightening, so much that it became painful. He wanted to rid himself of this boundary, wanted to rid Ginji of his boundary also and then let their bodies touch for the first time ever. All those thoughts he'd had before, all those arousing dreams and thoughts came flooding back like gasoline in his veins and fuelled Ban's actions. He'd seen Ginji naked before, but this circumstance was difference. This time when he'd see Ginji's body, it wouldn't be for innocent coincidence, wouldn't be an accident. It would be on purpose and it would be for a reason.

He lowered his head slightly to plant kisses on Ginji's silky soft stomach, knowing this spot was a place where Ginji yearned to be touched or stroked. As if to prove Ban right, Ginji whined with pleasure, his back arching higher giving Ban more room to kiss and stroke. His shirt was lifted over his head, his short spiky hair disturbed by the collar but Ban smoothed the spikes back into place, watching the bangs fall conspicuously over Ginji's loving eyes. Innocence returned to their touches and their kisses, but it was only brief. Ginji cupped Ban's face in his hands and affectionately pressed his lips to Ban's forehead. Ban held Gin's wrist, kissing the hammering pulse that he found there and then lowered his hands to unbutton Ginji's shorts.

Ginji allowed this. He started to unbutton Ban's shirt, pulling it back and helping his lover get his arms out of the sleeves. When his arms were freed, Ban resumed to pulling Ginji's shorts down to his ankles, stroking back up the leg to the sensitive inside thigh as he went. Ginji drew in a sharp breath as certain points in his body began to tingle in anticipation, ridding Ban of his trousers also. Ban was wearing a plain black pair of boxer shorts while Ginji was wearing a blue pair of boxers with yellow chicks patterned on it. Ban rolled his eyes when Ginji giggled nervously.

"That kind of underwear is meant for teenage girls," Ban teased, poking Ginji's cheek with his finger. "Why chicks though, Gin? Figured you more as a kitty kind of person."

"Very funny," Ginji pouted, poking Ban's cheek back. "But they're not chicks. They're ducks."

"I bet you a million yen that it's chicks."

"Ducks."

"Chicks."

"Ducks!"

"Chicks!"

"Du--" Ginji was cut off by Ban's lips pressing firmly against his own. His lids turned slightly heavy as he freefell back into those tingling sensations that buzzed in his body. He gasped and a loud moan left his lips as Ban's hand cupped the bump in Ginji's boxers.

Ban pulled his lips away from Ginji's, lavishing in the moan that seemed to reverberate off the walls and echo down the corridors. He silkily smiled, giving it a tender squeeze. That seemed to drive Ginji even madder, his hips bucking and the bump growing undeniably harder than before.

"Let's take this to the bedroom, Ginji," Ban whispered in Ginji's ear, pulling a rather unresisting Ginji into the bedroom that held only a double bed that sat in the centre of boxes upon boxes of unpacked items.

Ban didn't think too much about what was happening. His body was riveting in pleasure and the drive for more. It was like a mission he was on, a mission to fulfil his needs that had never been fulfilled before. He had been moderately satisfied with all the women before Ginji, but he knew in his core that this would be far above satisfactory. It would be…amazing.

"B-Ban…"

Ban very nearly didn't hear Ginji speaking, his ears nearly deafened with the blood pounding in his head. He blinked, looking down at Ginji who was lying open legged on the bed, his boxers very nearly off, Ban's fingers on the waistband, ready to tear them off. Ginji's chest was rising and falling rapidly, sweat beaded on his forehead. He looked slightly guilty, chewing his bottom lip hard and a sprinkle of pink against his cheeks.

"W-What is it, Gin?" Ban felt a great pang of disappointment as he felt his erection and his urges lessen, dampened by the interruption.

"I just…" Ginji nibbled the inside of his cheek. "I don't think we should…go any further."

Ban felt it hit him hard, his bones feeling like they had turned to icy cold milk and had begun to pour down his back to his feet. Rejection. Ginji had asked him to stop. Did he do something wrong? When he asked Ginji this, Ginji looked upmost alarmed.

"No, no, no!" he stumbled, sitting up slightly so his chest was nearly pressed up against Ban's. "It's not that at all. I…I want to do this but…I…" he swallowed hard. Ban could almost hear his lover's heart rioting in his ribcage. "I've never done anything like this before and I just want it to be…"

Everything seemed to make sense. Ginji was a virgin. Ban now felt a pang of guilt, feeling like he had rushed his partner, his lover into quick, thoughtless sex. His erection had completely abandoned him now, leaving him feel sort of empty and conscious of the fact his hands were still on the waistband of Ginji's boxers. He put his hands swiftly into his lap.

Ginji knew Ban had clicked for he looked more embarrassed than ever, looking away like a child that had just admitted that he was afraid of the dark. He twiddled his thumbs nervously.

"Its okay, Ginji," Ban said quietly, not meeting Ginji's eyes as the words: VIRGIN, VIRGIN flashed in his mind. "I understand." He forced himself to look at Ginji, pulling a weak smile. "We'll wait a little longer until you're ready."

Ginji looked relieved, oblivious to Ban's fake smile. He was usually well tuned into these kind of things, but Ban assumed Ginji was just too relieved to care at that moment in time. He flung his arms around his lover and held him close.

They stayed that way for a few minutes before Ban suggested they went to sleep. Ginji agreed and rolled onto his side with Ban holding him from behind, arms wrapped around Ginji's waist. They had mutely agreed to stay as they were, in their underwear, not bothering to change into a shirt or bottoms like they usually did. Ginji's breaths soon turned slower and deeper, telling Ban that he was fast asleep. Ban couldn't take his mind away from what his partner had just told him.

Ban wasn't one of these people, but there were people out there who actually cared about who they lost their virginity to, and it was a big deal. To him, it was something to get rid of, something he hated and despised as a young teenage boy. But to Ginji, it clearly meant something. He'd saved himself up until he was twenty-one, probably hadn't even kissed anyone before him and Ban had started dating. Rather than feeling honoured like most people would that their partner had been so honest to them and were saving it for them for a more special date, Ban felt a heavy burden resting on his shoulders. Things like first times were important to some people, and the person they did it with would stick in their minds more than any other time. He didn't want that responsibility.

_Ginji would be better off doing it with a girl first…_Ban thought, _a girl would be better…if I took his virginity and we broke up, would we be okay? Would be okay at all if we broke up? What have I got myself into?! I can lose my best friend if this ends badly…_

This weighed heavy in Ban's mind, even when he'd finally drifted off to sleep all he could think about was his and Ginji's first time going terribly wrong and Ginji hating him for it. That was the first time Ban ever doubted their relationship…


End file.
